It’s a lot easier to work for someone else. To believe in their dreams and cheer them on as they tackle them one step, one post, one client or task scratched off their to-do list at a time.
To help them make lists, setup spreadsheets, map out strategies for growth and improvement while my own passion projects get the sloppy leftovers of my passive-aggressive attempts at creative consistency.
I’m doing exactly that as I type. I’m working on a few deliverables for a client I adore, but serves as a constant reminder that I am my biggest enemy when it comes to my progress.
Sometimes I’m so sure that I’ll fail, that I won’t bother start.
I let my shortcomings, my unfinisheds, my excuses and my doubts somehow become bigger than the God in me. Bigger than His promise to provide all my needs. Bigger than the vision He laid upon my heart three years ago and reminds me of constantly.
It’s just that I know myself – maybe a little too well or maybe I think I know myself and have been living in perpetual state of self-blame and denial about
my ability God’s ability to change even the most unlikely and unwavering bad habits and short comings.
It’s not like I don’t think God will come through on His promises…I just can’t seem to keep mine.
To keep showing up here when I want to give up. to keep believing that every revision, every moment spent planning, writing, re-writing and repeating will bring me to a place of harvest and victory over the thoughts that tell me, “it won’t ever be enough,” “you don’t have what it takes,” “try something else.”
It’s hard when you feel like you’re your only cheerleader and no one really gets where you want to go because the people you know haven’t actually been there.
Then there’s that little thing we have that makes a giant of difference: hope.
Hope that pushes me forward. That calls me out of isolation, out of the negative thinking that tries to swallow me whole. Hope that tells depression it can’t stake its’ claim in my life or on my calling to be a writer.
Paul says it best:
“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil…” – Hebrews 6:19
Dear Goals and Dreams: Here I come.
To our becoming,